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Saturday, June 11, 2011

wrong way of thinking

i have oversleep today, the medicine for flu made me sleep most of the day. When i woke up, it's already noon so possibly i have missed Him online. :(

Reading back the chat history of yesterday (dunno why i do that so often but it's my habit :P ), i think i'm really bad and need to change my way of thinking. When W/we talked about punishments, i was upset & did not understand why He also punish me for the failed task that i thought due to situation out of my control. He asked me who do i serve, i answered very fast with the only word "U". i tried to explain the situation was out of my control, i tried to explain how can i possible to relate someone else as Him. But then He told me when He assigned me a task eg. with someone, then that someone is acting in His place but i'd never tried whatever i can to complete the task.

oh i really never think of this way, i think i took the action to try & even asked for what He wanted me to do but it can complete or not was not the decision by me. That's how the way i always think. i did not know it's not correct until the chat on yesterday.

"you are my slave and my slut and must be willing to do what ever it takes to complete your task" He said. It sounds like easy but i'd failed with it. i think of it seriously again and i understand what was wrong in my mind. i'm sorry Master and i know i deserve the punishments. Thank you for reminding me of that.