harsh punishments but not much physical pain?!

i emailed Master with those tools i bought on last week which may be useful for "the punishments i can do by myself" :S May be a bit crazy, but all the things i can think of seems to be so painful therefore i still not ready to write the list out. i dunno, but it just so hard to think of anything else not involve any pain, especially Master said the punishment will be harsh.

According to the past record, none of the punishments involve any physical pain, so you can say i feel guilty and thus want to let myself suffer. However, i really dun have a creative mind, is there any suggestions of harsh punishments not involve much physical pain? or should i just let myself suffer for my misbehavior?! i dunno.

wrong way of thinking

i have oversleep today, the medicine for flu made me sleep most of the day. When i woke up, it's already noon so possibly i have missed Him online. :(

Reading back the chat history of yesterday (dunno why i do that so often but it's my habit :P ), i think i'm really bad and need to change my way of thinking. When W/we talked about punishments, i was upset & did not understand why He also punish me for the failed task that i thought due to situation out of my control. He asked me who do i serve, i answered very fast with the only word "U". i tried to explain the situation was out of my control, i tried to explain how can i possible to relate someone else as Him. But then He told me when He assigned me a task eg. with someone, then that someone is acting in His place but i'd never tried whatever i can to complete the task.

oh i really never think of this way, i think i took the action to try & even asked for what He wanted me to do but it can complete or not was not the decision by me. That's how the way i always think. i did not know it's not correct until the chat on yesterday.

"you are my slave and my slut and must be willing to do what ever it takes to complete your task" He said. It sounds like easy but i'd failed with it. i think of it seriously again and i understand what was wrong in my mind. i'm sorry Master and i know i deserve the punishments. Thank you for reminding me of that.

focus on punishments

i'm happy of the chat W/we had this morning (evening time for Master), actually i feel happy most of the time after our chat :D and then when He off to sleep, i go back to sleep awhile too because i'm really not well and sometimes i just imagine it's like taking the same time to sleep next to him, how silly am i lol

Talking back to the topic of this post, Master wants me to find many different kinds of punishments especially i have to do them myself. He wants me to search more & write it here as it will be good to me focus on that given my recent bad behaviour. (i have that written on the tab "Punishments") :(

oh i have no idea, i think of it again & again but still dunno what to do. The only one thing possible in my mind now is the "flat wooden spoon or spatula" that he asked me to get recently. It can be used for spanking may be, but who can spank themselves really hard like other do on them. @__@

sigh.....